7 suicidal zombie flick weapons

By » Mon, October 31 2011

zombie shotgun ving rhames 7 suicidal zombie flick weapons

The eponymous staff at Cracked have come up with another great piece deconstructing the efficacy of weapons selected by zombie movie protagonists that would, in the event of a real zombie outbreak, leave their wielders dead, briefly, then undead.

They include all the famous weapons, from shotguns to lawnmowers, but their insights make some assumptions that may undermine their findings in the face of actual zompoc.

First and foremost is the stultifying assumption that shotguns spread and are only effective at short ranges. This is only really true when compared to rifles. But the amount of spread is far, far less than what people assume it to be. If you only have video games and westerns as your supplier of truthishness, then we get it. But the reality is that your run-of-the-mill buck from your off-the-shelf shotgun will spread about an inch or less for every yard it travels. Each shot is the ballistic equivalent of about a 9mm bullet fired from a handgun, and has almost the same effective range.

At close-quarters you don’t even need to aim: pump-actions turn you into a chick-chacking death machine, while double-barrels convert a crowded hallway into an escape path lightly misted with Eau De Corpse.

Yeah, that up there, that’s bullshit. Two inches per yard. At close quarters, your target is still damn small.

And as tested in the field by stiff-upper-lipped Brits in Borneo, combat (i.e. short-barreled, fully-choked) shotguns are effective out to 75 yards.

That being said, shotguns aren’t great because they’re heavy, hard to use, particularly pump shotguns, and have small magazines; on top of that, ammo is really bulky. We’re talking an 1-1/8 ounce per shell. But that’s not why they’re unweildy, no, it’s that they shoot short-range cones of worthless.

unknown 56 7 suicidal zombie flick weapons

I do tend to agree with their other findings, particularly the katana. I’d like to add machete to that. Because although they make short work of the limbs of child soldiers, machetes are actually really hard to extract from bone. And they’re really easy to hit yourself with. You’re just gonna have to trust me on this.

I have always maintained that the perfect melee weapon for zompoc has got to be the hammer. Hammers don’t get stuck in skulls, particularly rock hammers. But I love ‘em all, from ball-peen to sledge.

Evidence that my suspicions are true:

Anyway, read 7 Famous Zombie Movie Weapons (That Would Get You Killed).

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