The Range Idiot Song

By » Wed, November 16 2011

All of what has been described above happened to me last time I went shooting. Making guns shoot is incredibly easy, but being a good shooter takes a lot of focus, preparation, and diligence. That part is a lot less easy.

There’s a reason people pay scads of money to get firearms training, well, two. The first reason is that they want to be a tacticool operator and probably imagine themselves throwing terrorists off forty-story buildings left and right. The other reason is that once you’re familiar with guns at a range, you want to learn to use them under pressure—but knowing how fucking ridiculously dangerous guns are and how easy it is to screw up just a little bit and then die, you want to seek out more structured learning.

The best possible thing to do if there are stupid-ass shooters around you is to leave. You might not immediately recognize a stupid-ass shooter if you’re new, but basically, anyone who is constantly in contact with a firearm, waving it around, and making you nervous is probably someone to avoid. Actually, that’s probably true on and off the range.

Anyway, a full writeup on range etiquette will follow soon, that will do for now. What follows is a jargon breakdown:

Run-and-gun: competitive shooting where a single shooter moves through a simulated course of fire. The course is littered with targets, which must be shot in order to complete the course. The shooter who completes the course or courses in the least amount of time wins.

Range master, range officer: shooting range manager/safety officer.

Muzzle: to wave the muzzle of a firearm across a person, not usually intentionally; to forget you’re holding a gun and point it at someone. Is done intentionally by assholes who assume their gun is unloaded.

Springfield: manufacturer of firearms; a gun.

range officer 1911 pistol The Range Idiot Song

This is a Springfield Range Officer. So it can be a gun, too.

Magazine: what holds cartridges inside the gun.  (Sub-definition, cartridge: what most guns are loaded with.  A cartridge is a case, bullet, powder, and primer all in one unit.  A bullet is inert, and needs all the other stuff, and a gun, to shoot.)

Eyes and ears: vision and hearing protection. Guns are way louder than you think they are, and long-term hearing damage only takes a small amount of exposure to gunfire. Also, the ejected brass cases go fast, fly far, and are hot, hot, hot. You can take one to the eye pretty easily. Also, when bullets shoot, more than just the cases can threaten your eyes.

Anyway, what’s a million times funnier than the video is a dude with a Mohican in tactical dress complete with Ray-Bans breathily singing a girl song.

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