The most effective camouflage ever invented!

Dicks inbound. Seriously, you’ve been warned.

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Staying fit (at 55) while guarding a cargo ship against Somali pirates

leg raises for lower abs phatch Staying fit (at 55) while guarding a cargo ship against Somali pirates

Combat kegels.

boxing punch drill with resistance phatch Staying fit (at 55) while guarding a cargo ship against Somali pirates

The resistance will be tanned.

Business travel can push a person out of his or her “comfort zone” and temporarily trash a carefully established, healthy routine—which, for many of us, includes exercise workouts. Hitting the road for a paycheck, however, does not mean your painstakingly achieved fitness has to decline significantly—and, maybe not at all. I speak from experience.

In November 2012 I returned home from what would be my ultimate business trip: a two-month, maritime-security job on the Indian Ocean. I came back in perhaps slightly better shape than when I left, too. I had swapped my normal, twice- or thrice-weekly workout routine—kettle bells, calisthenics, and Nordic Track at home; dumbbells and weight machines at a local gym—for an improvised, shipboard routine. I used minimal personal gear and a variety of metal fixtures on the lifeboat deck and navigation deck of the Asian-flagged cargo ship I helped guard against Somali pirates.

You do not need a gym to work out.

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Tactical mountain bike!

That thar is a Mon-ti-gyoo bye-cycle.

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Tactical condom holster!

DICK1 450x450 Tactical condom holster!

It’s called the DICK! (img by Breach Bang Clear/OTG Concepts)

Currently uses PALS webbing, future models of  the DICK—Dynamic Intervention Contraceptive Karrier—will include MOLLE, OTW, and ITW holsters.

Check it out over at Off the Grid Concept’s website. What’s it cost? I have no idea their website is eyeball SARS.

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Yar, dis be yer reminder!

bordaxerifle1 450x726 Yar, dis be yer reminder!

Dis handy multitasker be jolly at cuttin’ below foes near ‘n far, (img Pirates & Zombies)

Just wantin’ to remind ye all that this day be International Speak Like a Scurvy Pirate Day, wit’ a wee wee bit ‘o scurvy pirate history.

That up thar be a boardin’ ax. If it looks like it fires like a musketoon, ’tis because ’tis a combination gun. So many thin’s ’bout life on th’ high Seven Seas involved makin’ one thin’ do lots ‘o thin’s, ‘n th’ boardin’ ax be no exception.

Th’ modern fire ax did bearn directly from it ‘n wit’ jolly reason, ’tis a true multi-device ‘o th’ the hour. Not only could ye swin’ it to murder someone, ye could shoot people wit’ it. And also ’tis an ax, fer all ye other choppin’ duties. Take a shiv to your load, no sense in shoulderin’ an ax an’ a whole ‘nother flintlock.

Th’ boardin’ ax was also jolly fer choppin’ apart doors ‘n chests, a necessary step in acquirin’ lovely booty. Truly, th’ boardin’ ax be one ‘o th’ greatest scurvy pirate inventions ‘n to ’tis day be somethin’ all ye pirates own. Because ye never be knowin’ when ye have to shoot someone, then hack at them some afterwards.

Special thanks to Post Like a Pirate for assisting with the translation.

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Tactical white rhino!

Tactical White Rhino 450x299 Tactical white rhino!

A four man anti-poaching team permanently guards a Northern White Rhino on Ol Pejeta Conservancy in Kenya, 13 July 2011. The Ol Pejeta Conservancy is an important “not-for-profit” wildlife conservancy in the Laikipia District of Kenya and the largest sanctuary for black rhinos in East Africa. It is also the home of 4 of the world’s remaining 8 Northern White Rhino, the worlds most endangered animal. (img Brent Stirton/Getty)

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